Using Mindfulness to Navigate Loss and Grief
By Karla Jensen, PhD
In this precious life, we will all lose someone or something dear to our hearts. The loss of a pet, a job, a house, our health, and of course, the loss of beloved friends and family members are all deeply personal, and grief is a natural response to those unique experiences. From sadness and anger, guilt and anxiety, and even a sense that our identity has been shaken, grief manifests in a myriad of forms; the intensity of emotional, physical, and behavioral responses can vary from person to person and can shift over time. Denying or avoiding any type of pain is instinctive. We don’t want to hurt, but realistically, grief is part of being human. Experts such as those at the National Institute on Aging caution that ignoring the discomfort of loss can be harmful to emotional and physical healing; thus, it’s important to experience grief. The consolation of friends and family, our faith, and counseling can offer comfort in challenging times. Mindfulness can also aid in mitigating grief.
Mindfulness, the practice of being fully present in the moment and observing our thoughts and feelings, has been empirically shown to support us as we navigate everything life throws our way. Exercising mindfulness is not a panacea for what ails us, but mindfulness can help clarify the reality of current circumstances and do so in a nonjudgmental and self-compassionate way. Combined with other therapeutic practices, mindfulness offers a pathway to accept discomfort rather than resist or ignore it.
The ancient philosophy and cutting-edge science of mindfulness teaches that acceptance is not about liking or agreeing with something — it’s simply about acknowledging what is happening in the moment. The more we can accept each moment as it is, the less we suffer. Acknowledging what is true without adding layers of “I don’t like this,” “It’s not fair,” or “Why did this happen to me?” can moderate difficult times and leave us with a bit more wisdom.
In a time of suffering, it may sound glib or dismissive to say, “Just take a breath. Be in the moment,” but empirically, we know these techniques can assist the brain and the body to manage anxiety and depression. Here are a few simple practices to try:
Breathing Meditation: Take a few moments each day to focus on your breath. Inhale slowly through your nose, hold for a moment, and then exhale gently through the mouth. If your mind moves to the future or gets stuck in the past, gently bring your attention back to your breath.
Body Scan: Slowly bring attention to each part of your body, from the tips of the toes to the top of the head. Notice any tightness or discomfort and breathe into those areas to release tension.
Mindful Walking: Take a walk — outside if possible. Pay attention to the sensation of your feet touching the ground, the ambient sounds, and the feeling of air on your skin. If your awareness drifts to the past or future, invite your thoughts back to your current experience.
These and other mindfulness techniques facilitate a greater capacity to navigate grief. Building present-moment awareness helps reduce judgement, then diminishes negative thinking, and increases awareness of the physical body.
Accepting Emotions without Judgment: A key aspect of mindfulness is learning to accept emotions without judgment. Mindfulness teaches us to observe our emotions without labeling them as "good" or "bad." Instead of feeling guilty for being sad or frustrated, mindfulness encourages acceptance of these feelings as a normal part of the grieving process. By allowing ourselves to experience grief without criticism, we create space for healing and move through emotions at our own pace. Additionally, by practicing mindfulness, we cultivate a sense of compassion and empathy for ourselves and others. This sense of connection can encourage us to reach out to both give and receive support.
Reducing Rumination and Negative Thinking: Grief often leads to rumination — repetitive thinking about a loss, sometimes accompanied by self-blame or feelings of regret. A cycle of negative thinking can make grief feel more intense and prolonged. Mindfulness can break this cycle by redirecting attention to the present moment. By practicing mindfulness, we learn to observe thoughts without getting lost in them. When we possess awareness of our thoughts, especially when we recognize negative patterns, we can ask, “Is this thought, behavior, etc. the best option for me right now?” Such recognition presents an opportunity to make a healthy, constructive choice.
Connecting with Physical Sensations: Grief is a physical as well as an emotional experience. Fatigue, tightness in the chest, or difficulty sleeping can all be part of the grieving process. The brain and body are deeply interconnected through the nervous, endocrine, and immune systems. Emotions trigger physiological responses such as an increased heart rate or digestion problems, reflecting stress or anxiety. Conversely, physical tension, such as tight shoulders or a clenched jaw, can reinforce mental stress, creating a feedback loop that impacts overall well-being. Mindfulness encourages us to tune into the body, to see how grief is affecting us physically so we may then release tension to relieve both physical and emotional discomfort.
Mindfulness practices encourage a perspective shift: instead of viewing grief as something to resist, mindfulness invites us to accept and work through it as a part of the full spectrum of life. This change in perspective can help us find ease amidst inevitable loss, build resilience for future challenges, and appreciate the joy that exists alongside grief.
Loss and grief support can be found in your local faith community, retirement community, and organizations such as Mourning Hope and Tabitha.
Karla Jensen, PhD, is a professor of Communication Studies and Contemplative Practices and a certified meditation and yoga teacher. She invites readers to investigate mindfulness by checking out reputable organizations and authors who support this practice.