Using Mindfulness to Cultivate a Healthier Relationship with your Phone

“To respect others and to get the most out of your therapy, please put away your phone.” When I first saw this sign at my physical therapist’s office, I applauded! While smartphones offer countless benefits and are a necessary part of our daily lives, they can also lead to stress, disrupt sleep, and most alarmingly, physically and mentally block the person right in front of us. As a Communication Studies professor, I am deeply concerned that phones are getting in the way of healthy interactions. Of course the computer in our hand connects us to information, friends and loved ones, but it can also impede the creation and development of interpersonal relationships.

There’s a physiological reason we are compelled to pick up our phones – for some of us, over 100 times a day. In short, it is pleasurable to have the instant stimuli and entertainment we get from text messages, games, and alerts. But academic research in a myriad of disciplines warns us of the dangers of an over-dependency on our phones. Most significantly, during face-to-face conversations, the mere presence of a cell phone impairs focus and interrupts interactions. During a conversation, the presence of a phone reduces partner-to-partner eye contact as well as the number of words exchanged.

This results in misunderstandings and less conversational satisfaction. There’s a good chance you’ve been in this situation: while with other people you decide to quickly read a text, and that fleeting moment turns into a longer scroll, and then you’ve missed out on an amusing anecdote, important instructions, or simply a pleasant chat. And honestly, you may have noticed the sting when a phone is chosen over you. I sometimes hear people say things like, “Well, we have our phones out, but at least we are together.” Alone togetherness is a term used to describe when people are in the same space but distracted by their phones. Of course a cell phone is indispensable when you are far away from the person with whom you’d like to communicate, but when you are physically with a communication partner, great caution should be used to ensure your phone does not diminish the trust and attention necessary in any relationship.

The good news is, if your phone has become a “weapon of mass distraction” for yourself or someone you love, a mindful approach to technology can help. As you know from previous 55+ articles, mindfulness is a practice that involves paying attention to the present moment. This results in being fully aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.

By cultivating mindfulness, you can become more attuned to your habits and behaviors, including your phone usage. This self-awareness can empower you to make conscious choices about when and how you use your device. For instance, before reactively picking up your phone, pause and ask yourself why you're doing it. Are you looking because you are bored or uncomfortable? Are you searching for something specific, or is peeking at your phone simply a habit?

Each time you are compelled to reach for your phone, take a breath.

This can help center your thoughts and create space between impulse and action, allowing you to choose a different activity that promotes well-being. By practicing mindfulness, you’ll be better able to resist the urge to check your phone every few minutes and instead focus on the present moment, whether you are alone or in the company of someone else.

If you sense an overuse of technology is creating difficulty in a relationship, you don’t need to wave a sign like the one in my physical therapist’s office, you just need to talk about it. Our relationships are the most precious parts of our lives, so even if it may feel a bit awkward, authentically expressing your feelings can strengthen your relationship and may alert a friend or family member to a habit they didn’t even realize they had. Gently offering something as simple as, “I notice when we’re together you check your phone a lot and that makes me feel sad/ignored/lonely...” can begin a dialogue about the importance of your relationship and the quality of your conversations.

Talking about specific times to check your phone can reduce its persistent presence in your life. Or establishing "phone-free" zones, such as the dinner table or while playing games, can promote more meaningful interactions with family and friends. Mindfulness offers a pathway to become aware of our habits, set boundaries, foster presence, and enhance our overall well-being; this includes reducing dependence on our devices.

As we navigate the complexities of digital life, embracing mindfulness can help us reclaim our time and attention, allowing for deeper connections with those around us. Don’t let a screen keep you from real-life moments of growth and daily celebration.